


Am I too good to be gone?

by mrs_pennylane



Category: Project Blue Book (TV)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I love writing his POV, Look at me releasing some catharsis, M/M, Michael Quinn is my favorite character despite my love for Aidan Gillen, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 09:40:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22848064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_pennylane/pseuds/mrs_pennylane
Summary: “You have never talked much about him.” Allen’s voice was very quiet and he was still facing the ceiling.“What is there to talk about?” Michael didn’t mean to sound harsh but perhaps his voice betrayed his intention.“His name, where he was born, if he is still alive...” Allen suggested and Michael felt slightly dumb for not thinking his partner would want to know some basic information about this father. He shifted on the mattress.
Relationships: J. Allen Hynek/Michael Quinn, Michael Quinn and his father
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	Am I too good to be gone?

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, I suck at titles.

“You have never talked much about him.” Allen’s voice was very quiet and he was still facing the ceiling.

“What is there to talk about?” Michael didn’t mean to sound harsh but perhaps his voice betrayed his intention.

“His name, where he was born, if he is still alive...” Allen suggested and Michael felt slightly dumb for not thinking his partner would want to know some basic information about this father. He shifted on the mattress.

“He is still alive.”

“And do you see him regularly?”

“Not as much as I used to.”

“Does he know about us?”

The Captain contorted his face. “I haven’t talked to him in the past year.”

Now that made Allen’s interest inflame. “Why?”

“Because I don’t want to.” And this time, Michael turned his back to Allen.

There was a quiet moment between them and only when Michael was sure Allen wasn’t going to say anything else, he spoke again.

“He isn’t very much interested in me, you know. He never was, to be honest. He is more concerned in showing he is ‘a good father’ than actually being one.” Michael adjusted his body inside the blankets. “He is one of those selfish people who want to talk about themselves and doesn’t pay attention when you are talking about yourself. I know everything about his life, the women he went out with, the jobs he had, his struggles, his victories...”

And he turned again, facing Allen. “But he knows very little about me. Not because I don’t want to tell him but because he doesn’t seem interested in listening.”

Allen Hynek, despite his obliviousness to things and his lack of manners for dealing with some delicate matters, reached forward to caress Michael’s face and offer him some comfort. He pulled Quinn closer and kissed his forehead. “It’s not your fault.”

“I know.” And it was very vivid in his mind the memory of being shut down when he was about to tell something important to him...

_“Father.” They hugged each other and despite the existence of some awkwardness, Michael was happy to see his father._

_“My kid.” Michael was already 30 years old but his father still called him ‘his kid’, which made his chest fill with happiness._

_They were at this very nice restaurant that served his father’s favorite food, Italian. Michael opened one button from his jacket and sat down, smiling. In front of him, an equally smiley James Quinn sat._

_“Mhmm, nice place.” His father looked around. “Fancy.”_

_“Well, sometimes we can afford these things.” Michael smiled and opened the menu. “What are you going to order?”_

_“Hmmm, let’s see.” And his father also opened the menu._

_Michael was anxious for tonight, he had waited a whole week to tell his father the news and he could barely wait for the man to order his food already._

_“I have something to tell you...” Michael started but his father excitedly cut him._

_“Have I told you I am moving from that apartment to a new house?”_

_“Oh? Really?” Michael dropped his announcement. For now. “Tell me more about it.”_

_“You know the landlord of that apartment was a pain in the ass, right? Often complaining about anything and everything.”_

_“Yes, I do remember.”_

_“So I started looking for somewhere else and I found this very nice house near your work. I am moving this week.”_

_“That’s such good news, pa.”_

_“I know! And it will be near you.” James took a sip from his water. “Can you help me move things there?”_

_“Of course.” And Michael saw the food arriving to their table. “You know you can count on me.”_

_“I know I can, kiddo.”_

_Michael busied himself with his food while his father talked non-stop about things that had been happening to him – his job, the people he met recently, his new friends. It was not that Michael didn’t like to hear, he really loved, he liked to give his father his full attention and listen to the old man’s complaints, happiness, but he also was anxious to tell him about his own news. The opportunity never seemed to come._

_Actually, his old man never really gave him the chance to tell his news, so absorbed in his own world and problems and new experiences. The food didn’t taste as good as Michael wanted it to taste and it was because he couldn’t even share something so important to him. He had planned that his father was going to be the first one to know about it but now all he wanted was to go back home, drink a glass of Bourbon._

_“What was that you wanted to tell me?” His father asked as they were leaving the restaurant. Michael gave him an affected grin and shook his head._

_“Nothing, pa. We’ll talk about it other day.”_

_“No, you wanted to tell me, tell me.”_

_Michael kept walked towards the car, his jaw tightening. “Relax, dad. We can talk about it when I come help you, ok?”_

_“Well, ok. Can you go this week there and help me carry some furniture?” James took the seat next to Michael’s, smiling shyly._

_“Sure.” Michael answered, trying to make his smile as big as he could with his emotion running wild._

The memory hurt Michael a lot more than he could really admit. Later that same week he went to help his old man carry his belonging to the new house but he never told the news – that after years serving the Air Force, fighting in the war, Michael James Quinn had officially become a Captain. A Captain in the United States Air Force. Back then, 5 years ago, he had no one to share news like this other than his old man. His late mother had passed away a few years before.

James Quinn only got to know Michael was a Captain of the Air Force a year later, when someone else told his son was a pride for his country.

Now Michael had Allen, who always paid so much attention to Michael even when the Captain thought he wasn’t. Allen played the fool, pretending to be oblivious about what happened around him, but he noticed everything. Oh, how much he did.

“You are distressed.” Allen’s soft voice by his ear took him out of his own thoughts. “Do you wanna cuddle?”

Michael sighed relieved. Yes, he wanted to cuddle so much, get away from these thoughts. He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to discuss or hear some lame advice from anyone or even pity. Allen, as usual, knew what to do.

The Captain turned around without showing much of his face and was spooned by the professor from behind. Allen’s soft facial hair was touching his nape and it was oddly comforting to have his presence there, as if he was guarding his back.

“I love you, no matter what.” Allen whispered, voice heavy with feeling. Michael could feel it in his bone, in his heart. “And if some day you are willing to talk about your father, we will. If not, I won’t force you.”

Michael nodded, his eyes filling with tears. “Thank you.” His fingers intertwined with Allen’s and their hands rested just over the Captain’s heart. “I love you too.”

“You better love me.” Humor. Allen knew exactly when he could be playful again. “Because it’s 2 am and I am awake only because you came back from Susie’s house behaving oddly after they asked about your father.”

Michael chuckled softly. If it had been anyone else, he would be so offended because it sounded like it was such a hard task but he knew Allen better. He knew Allen did everything he did with pure and good intentions.

“What did I do to deserve you, Allen Hynek?”

“Well, you became a Captain and was assigned to Project Blue Book.” He answered as if it was a scientific fact. Maybe it was.

Maybe the memory of never being able to tell his father he had become a Captain could be given a new meaning.

Because after that, he got the chance to be promoted and reassigned to a new post, got his job in Project Blue Book and met Allen.


End file.
